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Illustration: Alex Siklos
I recently turned 64, which isn’t a particularly big number, but since I faced my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment about 10 years ago, each birthday has been significant. Each birthday marks a new year in your life, and each new number represents your gratitude for another year of good health.
On my 64th birthday, I spent a few hours having brunch with 13 young women, most of them in their 30s, all of whom were battling breast cancer. There’s a story behind it.
When I was 54 years old and undergoing treatment, I was recommended to meet in a support group through the hospital. I almost didn’t go. But if there was a monumental moment in my life, it was attending my first support group meeting. It was an epiphany for me to realize that what I thought I didn’t need was exactly what was going to help me get through the most difficult year of my life. I thought having a caring and loving husband, a supportive family, and great friends was enough. I was wrong. What I really needed was for other women to go through what I was going through. Suddenly I had a new group of friends who understood the fear of facing breast cancer, the shock of being told chemotherapy was part of the plan, the daily radiation treatments, baldness, and side effects. Anxiety about recurrence that never goes away.
Like many other things, hospital-run support groups eventually became subject to budget cuts. Hospitals are pretty good at solving the problems that are bothering you, but they can fail when it comes to supporting you as a person.
So I took matters into my own hands and started my own breast cancer peer support group in Ottawa. Because I knew in my heart that the women of Ottawa needed it. No one came to the first meeting and I was shocked. But I persisted and tried again a month later. This time, several women were also present. And even though I had no knowledge of social work, psychology, or anything related to running support groups, I managed my first peer support group. I’ve been running meetings like this almost every month for the past eight years. During the pandemic, I switched to online meetings. Because if ever cancer patients needed support, it was during lockdown, when they felt more alone than ever.
I have met too many, too many women on this path. Many people invade my heart. One of them was a 28-year-old man who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m the same age as his daughter. At that moment, I was shocked. Breast cancer does not discriminate by age. It’s another thing to be diagnosed with cancer in your mid-50s, when your children are grown, your career is settled, your life is relatively stable, and you can focus on yourself and your fight against cancer.
But 28? 30? 35? Too young. So wrong. And the number of young women I meet continues to grow. But they, like me, have found their tribe. Eventually, several of them started their own private Facebook group dedicated to young women in Ottawa diagnosed with breast cancer. Sometimes they organize in-person gatherings. And I love that they invite me.
I celebrated my 64th birthday. Thirteen incredibly brave and resilient young women took part. All were diagnosed between her 28 years of age and her 38 years of age. In most cases, they discovered the lumps themselves. And most of the time, the doctors were saying, “You’re too young, so there’s probably nothing.” In one case, “nothing” turned into a 9cm tumor before anyone took it seriously.
I wish these 13 women had talked about speed dating, juggling kids and work, wedding plans, daycare issues, etc. Instead, they talked about nipple necrosis, breast reconstruction surgery, chemotherapy side effects, and estrogen. They were talking about things like early menopause due to inhibition. medicine.
I felt sad, but also strange. Because, as they like to tell me, they were there together for me. One of them handed me a birthday card, and her words inside brought tears to my eyes. She wrote that she could not have imagined the past four years of this journey without me, and that without my guidance and support this group would not be here today. It was the most special birthday present I could have ever wanted. I’ve helped people find things they didn’t know they needed. each other.
Andrea Douglas lives in Ottawa.
